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-----Original Message-----
From: David Boulton []
Sent: Saturday, February 02, 2002 1:01 AM
Subject: Deanna 2-1-2002 - PRAYER

As Deanna is saying goodnight to Risa on the phone she is asked to say her prayer:

Deanna: “Lord make me an instrument of thy peace. (she drops a pencil she has been fidgeting with and loses attention though she hollowly recites along the remaining verses) Where there is darkness light. Where there is despair hope. Where there is sadness joy. Oh divine oneness grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console. To be understood as to understand. To be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. For it is in dying that we are born to the eternal.”

Dad: Deanna, this is like the ‘answers’ in class thing. Before you pray take a moment to get into the mood of the prayer and say it, understanding and feeling what you are saying. If you can’t be in it well, don’t do it – don’t just recite words without understanding and feeling them. Its not good for you.

Deanna: But I don’t understand what the prayer means.

Dad: then don’t say it over and over again until you do. Stop and ask to understand it before you say it.

Deanna:  But I don’t understand what it means and I don’t want to disappoint mama.

Dad: You won’t disappoint mommy by being honest about what you are thinking or feeling.  You don’t need to say things you don’t really mean for her or me or anyone. Its not good for you – we don’t want you to do that.

Deanna: If I don’t know what it is then I can’t mean it. Until I understand it I am not going to decide if I am going to mean it.  But I don’t want to understand the prayer right now. 

Dad: OK, We can leave this here for now if you don’t want to think about it anymore. But lets talk about it again another time and don’t say the prayer without mom or me helping you to understand it.

Deanna: You mean I don’t have to say the prayer until you tell me what it means?

Dad: I won’t tell you what it means.

Deanna: Why won’t you?

Dad: Because I don’t want you to understand something because I say it means something. I want you to understand something because you have thought it through for yourself and you understand it. The only thing I can do is help coach your thinking a little as we talk about it. Do you understand?

Deanna: Um huh.

Dad: shall we stop here or go on.

Deanna: lets put it in a box and come back to it later.

Dad: OK

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